Jagged Little Life

One of my biggest life problems is not living in the moment. I attempt (almost on a minute-by-minute interval) to engage is just being; alas, I’ve yet to get there.

Be Here NowYou might wonder, “What the hell are you talking about?” But, it’s quite simple, really. I have a few friends that are always calm and relaxed in their otherwise hectic lifestyles. This isn’t to say they are hughly busy, important, or have a ton of kids: in fact, it’s that they closely have the same life activities that I do, yet remain quite content in their lives. They aren’t rushed. They don’t take on more than they can ‘chew.’ They are always just good to be where they are.

For example, I have a dear friend, Tommy, who is ten years older than me. He owns and operates (full-time from June to Sept) a charter boat. From 4am to often as late as 6pm, every day without fail, he gets to the boat, takes 12 people out on the Pacific Ocean to catch fish. The deckhand (use to be until last year) assists him on this daily Spring to Summer grind. And while I was always chasing the day in my mind, “Okay, 20 more rockfish and we go ling fishing, then I can start filleting and then I need to wash the back deck…oh, I should do that now while they’re all fishing….it can wait. Did I start the crock pot this morning? Yeah, I did….wait, no I didn’t! Darn….what should I do about dinner? Did I feed the animals…”

You get what my brain goes thru every minute. Until, that is, I think about being only in the moment, and I reflect on Tommy. I look around to see him and he’s standing at the bait tank, smoking a cigarette, and relaxed…completely at ease. He’ll smile at me or maybe make a private signal to me to have everyone reel them up But he’s not stressed. He’s not calculating his entire day’s activities. He’s calm because he’s right there, right now. It doesn’t matter to him if he forgot to do something at home because it doesn’t. He can’t do anything about anything right then and there and he’s good with it. He’s at peace. He’s ‘in the moment’ and that suits him just fine. We’re floating all together at  47°21’25.05″N over 124°47’57.62″W and that’s just where we should be.

From Oct to Jan, we both work in the woods walking streams/rivers/creeks counting salmon redds for escapement numbers. It’s 37 miles one-way to work, then we drive anywhere from 100- to 300-miles to get to the creeks. In my mind, there are so many things I have to do, should have done, or did but have to do again. My mind is always racing around and it shows on my face. I’m always rushed or anxious because I am single and I handle every single thing. There are greats piles of chores to do. But, Tommy is laid back. He has the same life I do in both summer and winter jobs, but he’s chillin’ and I’m the mad hatter.

When I do get to the inevitable position where all my worrying and thought-organizing gets too be overwhelming, invariably, I have to stop myself and re-focus my energy back into my spirit. This may sound ‘hippy-ish” but I assure you, it’s not. I have to mentally, pointedly, remind myself that it doesn’t matter, let it go, be calm.

Right here, I am writing about this constant re-focusing and my mind loses it’s purpose and then, without fail, off it goes again. WHOSH! How did I get back into work ideas? Danm!

It is important for everyone to stay in the here and now (Ram Dos shout-out). It’s good to stay centered on self, relaxing, letting go, and to just, well, Be.

So, as I write this, I stay focus on just this. My bills are paid. We all were fed this day. We’re warm, safe, and dry. Praise God.

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