Though I started my blog to scream and shout, rant and rave about issues I can’t share on social media sites without acrimonious and petulant comments, I also have wonderful, magical things in my life and I want to share these, too. So, there must be a page dedicated to the passion of wonderment.
My first post on this page must begin with an amazing young woman who I greatly admire, respect and love more than breathing: Salena Ashanti. My first-born. My daughter.
Salena is a pitbull, argumentative, independent, tough, eager, smart, ornery (a family trait), clever, beautiful, talented, and dedicated to her family. She is not one you want to get into a heated debate with unless you have the brass ‘vaginal’ to hold your own. She can, and will, stand her ground (even when she’s wrong HA).
I almost titled this page, “Un-Bitch: as opposite of what the other pages are about: bitching. Even the term “bitch” will get her verbal juices going on the terminology. She pointed out recently that “Bitch” is a word used by men as a defamatory slam against not just women, but men – being a “bitch” puts women down, calling a man a ‘bitch’ is used to indicate he’s no better than a woman. I fucking love her for that. She makes me think. Then I have to spend 9 months trying to alter my vernacular.
I use to say, “That’s so gay” until she pointed out one day, “Does that mean it’s really good?” Again, I was putting down a group of people without even realizing it. I no longer use that popular, albeit, disgusting phrase unless I do, in fact mean, it is rainbow-licious. I then try to ‘educate’ others around me and hopefully, one little flutter at a time, we can change the world.
Salena is stronger than I could ever dream of being. When my husband left me in 1997, I fell apart. No, that’s not right, I crumbled into a sniveling mess of snot, tears, and alcohol. When her husband did the exact same thing, she cried, sure; but, then she dusted herself off, moved out of the McMansion they had just bought and into a 3rd floor apartment so small, the couch was the only furniture that fit into the living room. Even after 5 years of separation, they are still married; yet, they have figured out how to move on with their lives and get along. I respect that. I wish my ex- was grown up enough to keep our kids in his life (he dumped them when he left).
She got a parttime job at Tully’s while she continued her education and graduated with a Master’s Degree in Sociology…or Cultural Studies…or something like that. She found a new partner, traveled to Costa Rica, and forgave her ex- for running off. Way To Go!
Salena has 2 kids, both teenagers now. She has ensured they were educated in bi-lingual schools since kindergarten. They are all fluent in English and Spanish. Both kids are top level in their favorite sport: soccer. Her current partner, the sweetest man I think I’ve ever known, PJ, has 3 younger kids and how they make it all work is Love, Patience and Team Work. When I visit, it’s so nice to watch them all interact as a family. Argue as a family, and cuddle at night, as a family.
So, with great love and joy, I give a shout out to my baby girl, Salena: My little “Stink.”